Category: For Katie the Warrior

I’m back! Ready for week two. If you didn’t read week one, here it is! Thank you SO much for focusing some prayer time for Katie and her family this year. It means a ton. Here are some specific things you can pray for:

1. We keep getting sick. All of us just pass around stomach viruses and colds etc. and when we do we can’t visit Kate. We are SO thankful (PRAISE GOD!) that Katie has not gotten sick once in the last nine months. Not a cold, not a bug, nothing. But it’s still hard. We don’t want kate to be lonely and we miss her when we can’t visit! So please pray for overall wellness, especially for my mom who is on week three of barely getting to see Kate.
2. Katie has started giving a thumbs up! This has meant a great deal to us as she answers questions, agrees in conversations and just continues to show how “with us” she really is! We ask God for more! More communication, more connection, more of katie being able to participate in her relationships. MORE, GOD!
3. The staff at her facility has mostly been great! Please join us in praying that her nurses and therapists are vigilant, caring, kind, affirming, and work their tails off for Katie. It is hard that we can’t be there 24/7 and we beg that God would send the perfect staff that will aid in her full restoration and recovery.
4. For God to totally surround Kate as she heals. This is hard stuff. She misses her family and her life! We pray that Jesus is so near to her, that angels surround her and that they give Kate hope for her future through visions and words. Kate needs hope in order to heal!
5. Again, for Katie’s total and complete restoration. Ever cell of her body complete and healthy, lacking nothing.

Thank you so much for your prayers!

Some of our dear friends have been absolute prayer warriors for Kate over the last 9 months and they’ve decided to take a day a week to pray and fast for her healing over the next 40 days. Would you consider joining us?

I’m going to put out some prayer ideas weekly. Please feel free to fast something  besides food if your life or a medical condition prohibits it.

Week one:

1. Full and complete healing of the channels between her brain and her body. Kate’s mind and memory seem to be in tact but when her brain tells her body to do something, in many cases it doesn’t.
2. Freedom from pain. Specifically in her neck and shoulder region. Kate is favoring her left side and we are working on getting that healed.
3. Progress with her trach removal. We want it gone! Please pray that in the coming months Katie would CONTINUE to move forward. She’s made leaps and bounds in this area! She is currently at six hours of a speaking valve per day!
4. Thanksgiving. The Lord has been faithful. Breakthroughs when we lose hope, comforting words when we need them most, and the most astounding is continued progress further than her initial doctors thought possible.
5. Katie’s immediate family. Her husband, her babies, her parents and siblings. The last nine months have brought great sorrow above what we even thought possible. Katie is DEEPLY missed every minute of the day and we each take turns totally losing it. Please continue to pray for our hope in the Lord as we support Katie and each other.

Thank you so much! I’ll post again next week with more ideas!

Oh it’s been a roller coaster. I sat down today during nap time and gave myself a few moments to feel all of my feelings. This probably seems ridiculous. It’s been a whirlwind of 48 hours.

Two nights ago I drove up to New Jersey with a few dear friends. Aly and I met in high school and had an instant sweet friendship. Emily and I were college roommates and I am BLESSED to live literally down the street from she and her hubs. Our little boys were born nine days apart which adds a sweetness that is insane. Her husband Ryan drove us up and we laughed that he said zero words the entire drive. Smart man! We went up for a surprise engagement party for my friend Brittany. She has been the sweetest, most supportive friend for the long hall. It was sheer joy to get to celebrate with them!!

Back to reality. I got a text that Lillian was puking at record speed. I got home and went straight to the basement with her where she woke up to vomit every 45 minutes for the next ten hours. Joy.

Then yesterday as we panicked that the rest of us would be vomiting any minute I got a phone call from my mom with some pretty shocking news about insurance coverage for my sister. She’s almost eight months in to a brain injury and although improving weekly she is nowhere near the picture of restoration that we beg the Lord for. Any insurance change is a bad change at this point in the game.

It felt like yet another punch to the gut. Dan and I layed in bed last night yet again with a tear stained pillow bringing her to the foot of the cross and begging for miracles. For redemption like we’ve never experienced. It hasn’t gotten any easier to wake up to slow progress.

We somehow made it to today. My very best friend had her third baby. A boy I haven’t yet met and already adore.

In the midst of worry and tears and sorrow for Kate I somehow have joy and anticipation for a new baby to love. So happy he’s here but cautious because we’ve experienced some hell on earth in the last year and I want all these kids exempt from suffering.

So for 48 hours I’ve experienced joy and excitement. Nervousness over waiting for a new baby to come in the world which caused some thoughtless eating (marshmallows to be exact). Incredible sorrow as it seems like our mountain just got steeper with Kate. Then, as always, I’m forced to end and rest in hope. Hope for a beautiful marriage for a dear friend, hope for a happy and healthy life for baby Elliot. Hope that nobody else hurls. As always hope that my sweet sister is restored on this side of heaven, and constant prayers for her to feel inexplicable hope while we wait.

If you think of it, please pray that this insurance stuff gets figured out for Kate. It’s the last thing we want to be dealing with!

Usually I’m bursting at the seams with things to say but the new year has brought in zipped lips. For some reason it’s feeling sore. I don’t know how else to explain it. The ugliness of a life-altering diagnosis for my sister seemed like a 2016 thing. 2017 was supposed to be all healing and newness; birth and revival but it’s not yet. It’s still just as slow. It is sore. 

I’m on the prayer team at church and last week we had an evening of celebrating and remembering all the crazy and miraculous things God has done in the last year. It was a really powerful time! People being healed from physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional aspects of their lives. It’s just incredible to all sit together and put words to the things God let us in on. But we didn’t get through the night without some shed tears about Kate. We can simultaneously rejoice in ways she’s been spared, or in timing to things that brings comfort, or in the many victories. The truth of the matter is that there are some stories from the last year that aren’t really happy endings. They may be one day, but today isn’t their day.

I feel like those people are my people. I have such a kindred spirit for those saying “but what about…xyz?”, “But what about that baby I lost?”, “But what about that marriage I was supposed to have?”, “But what about that cancer that wasn’t supposed to show up in my family?”.

Its so very hard to be in the “not yet” or even the “no” group. It’s not easy being a mourner that’s clinging to hope. I’ve been reading books about where God is in sorrow and let me tell you I had a whole lot of answers to that question before it was my personal struggle. It sure is easy to say “God is good” when your life is going as it should.

The hardest thing in the world to come to grips with is sometimes the clear answer is that it’s not about us. We are promised God and that is not synonymous with healing or rightness. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough but we aren’t the first family to go through hardship. We certainly aren’t the first family to wonder why our loved one isn’t being miraculously healed. Kate may be restored to our family, I truly believe she will and until that is true I will be begging the Lord on her behalf. But even if that’s not the way our story ends, I don’t want to have wasted my life asking “why?”. There’s a lot to be done and it’s just not helpful. So I’ve decided to stop. I’m out of control of this and that’s alright.

One day I’ll have all of the answers but in the meantime I need to be okay with “no” or “not yet”. I’ve got a whole crew depending on my ability to live life while experiencing sorrow and for them and for Kate I need to change my response. No more “why?”. Moving forward there is only room for “God, be near!”

So I’ve been wanting a tattoo forever and decided when I turned 29 back in June that I’d get it before I turned 30. I wanted to get a compass and even picked one out but as everything started happening with my sister I felt drawn away from that for now.

A mentor of mine who has been a great help in navigating the last six months was praying over me one day and started using the word “warrior”. I immediately saw it as a tattoo on my arm and the decision was made! I was looking for fonts I liked and Dan suggested I use Katie’s handwriting. Sob.

So my sister Lex went through lots of writing samples she has of Katie’s and Dans cousin put all of the letters together.

Lex and I went last night to the tattoo shop I chose. I was nervous at first but as soon as he started I looked at Lex and said “oh my gosh it’s nothing”. So about two minutes later it was done! Easy peasy.

A constant reminder to keep fighting. For Katie, for her family, for my own sanity! It’s a battle worth fighting.

Adios! Ciao!

In all seriousness, 2016 has been a doozie (and not just because Donald Trump won 🤐).

We’ve had great sorrow and great joy. We’ve experienced horror and watched the miraculous. We’ve done none of it alone and for that we are so very thankful.

Happy New Year! My prayer for 2017 is for my sister to be fully restored to our family. Whether or not that happens I pray that our family and friends walk through life with the knowledge and companionship of Christ with them. There is just no way to make it otherwise!

My word this year is warrior. I’ll have a visual of that to share next week! But I truly need the daily reminder that I am a warrior. I have what it takes. I can do these incredibly hard things I’ve been handed. I can fight for what’s good and what’s right and I have everything I need to do that.

My verse this year is “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer” Romans 12:12. Could a verse ever be more fitting in a life!? I’ll take it! All of it! Joy patience and faith!

‘Twas two nights before Christmas and yours truly had a meltdown. I’ve had a sore throat this week so I’ve stayed away from my sister and it’s been hard! I like to go see her at least twice a week. I tell her what’s going on with her kids, bring her up to speed with random news in general, then I pray over her which usually leads to me crying over her and then apologizing for crying over her. I hold her hand, affirm all of the things I’ve heard or seen her relearn, I remind her of how far she’s come since this all began and encourage her to fight like hell.

It’s hard to do holiday things without her. One of her favorite days of the year is Black Friday. We just did our annual cookie baking day. Christmas itself is just two days away and she just loves it! She loves decorating for it, she loves cooking for it, she loves being with her family and watching the Amazon packages show up at her doorstep all month long. It knocks the wind out of me when I’m reminded of her absesnce in this season.

A friend a few weeks ago reminded me in the midst of this waiting and championing that in the grand scheme of eternity this will be a blip. Don’t get me wrong, I want her to be totally healed and now! But what I also want is forever. I want forever with her healed, for all of eternity, healing in every way forever and ever. It somehow took the edge off.

As a person who can get pretty anxious, I can honestly say I’ve never longed for heaven. It was absolutely foreign for me to hear people say that. Until his year. I’ve silently prayed so many times, “Lord, come soon”.

So in this time of waiting for Kate to heal, and in this season of waiting as I think of Mary and really the world as they waited for their king. I can rejoice in progress, beg for more and still honestly say, “Lord, come soon!”.

**Katie’s mind works fine, she knows what she’s missing. Will you pray for her this Christmas? For incredible comfort for her. Would you pray for her husband and kids as they push forward in celebrating even when it’s hard?**

And LASTLY!

Here’s kate holding her “holding cross”. It was a great comfort to Katherine Wolf during her recovery and my mom wanted Kate to have one, too. Want one for yourself? Buy it from Hope Heals!

Oh it’s a rough holiday season for our family this year. We live in the tension of celebrating and mourning and praying and crying and hoping. I know some of you do too.

I am SO very thankful for my family. We have rallied. We have rallied more than we thought possible, honestly. Nothing looks the same as it did SIX months ago but we’re in it for the long hall; until Kate is restored to our family.  Katie has a family behind her that would do anything to help her heal and her warriors are fierce.

I’m so thankful for my Dan. I said “we have to buy a van” and he said “yes”. I said “I want those babies with us several days a week” “of course” he said. “I need to go look at facilities for Kate. Tomorrow” he just smiles and says “I’ll take off work”. This man is my hero. It is not glamorous to be a support role.  Nobody is going to throw him a party for watching our kids after working all day so I can be with Kate but without Dan there’s no Ashley. I prayed earlier this year for God to show us how to be a team. This wasn’t what I had in mind but He’s nothing if He’s not faithful!

I’m so very thankful for my tribe. There are days that I feel deserted by the Lord. My tribe straight shows off on those days. They pamper with words, with cries, with coffee and gifts. They watch my kids when I can’t. They say hard things to me. They push me and tell me who I really am when I forget. They pray over and over-every time I tell them there’s something new that needs praying over they do it and they ask me about it the next day. They are so precious. They are Gods picture of His provision incarnate.

Lastly-I’m thankful for a God who can handle anger. I’m angry. It’s not fair. I’d do anything to change what happened to Kate and I can’t. He and I aren’t done.

Romans 15:4 says, “For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.”

I’m not the only one in the universe walking through great sorrow. I can still have hope.

Well enough crying-I’ve got babies to play with. Enjoy your Thanksgiving!

If you find yourself praying around a Thanksgiving table, pray for Kate. That this is her last thanksgiving wishing she was holding her babes. 

Oh, this day. I swear I’ve lost five pounds of water weight weeping over this day. 

My feisty  sister, you are so very precious to me. You are the president of my fan club, my decorator, my living and breathing mommy blog, my canfidant, my dear friend. You know where everything is, your are in every childhood memory, the way you value and collect beauty is contagious. You are every prayer on my lips and in my heart, you are every single tear that has left my eyes the past six months. You are somehow missed so incredibly yet always near. You are the first person I want to share anything with and one of the opinions I constantly seek.

May this year be the turning point. May it be the biggest story YOU will ever tell. Kate, may you know how deeply you are loved, adored, and missed each day. May you know the Lord’s voice and praise Him even while you walk through this hell. We walk with you with our prayers and our encouragement and our presence but the journey and battle are yours.

We will never give up hope and battle for your total restoration to our family. We go nowhere without you!

My dear friend Katherine Wolf wanted to chime in from the west coast. Check out her birthday wish to Kate! If you haven’t, please check out her website! Read her book! Support her ministry! Her encouragement has been invaluable to me over the past six months. ​

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I was at a conference the other night and one of the speakers told the story below, I found it summarized online so I’m giving that version:

“In the 1950s, Curt Richter, a Harvard graduate and Johns Hopkins scientist, did a series of experiments that tested how long rats could swim in high-sided buckets of circulating water before drowning. Dr. Richter found that, under normal conditions, a rat could swim for an average of 15 minutes before giving up and sinking. However, if he rescued the rats just before drowning, dried them off and let them rest briefly, and then put them back into the same buckets of circulating water, the rats could swim an average of 60 hours. Yes, 60 hours. If a rat was temporarily saved, it would survive 240 times longer than if it was not temporarily saved. This makes no sense. How could these rats swim so much longer during the second session, especially just after swimming as long as possible to stay alive during the first session? Dr. Richter concluded that the rats were able to swim longer because they were given hope. A better conclusion is that the rats were able to swim longer because they were given energy through hope. The rats had a clear picture of what being saved looked like, so they kept swimming.”

– Isaiah Hankel from Black Hole Focus

I can’t stop thinking about it. It feels so true. The last few weeks have been rough for me personally, hence the radio silence. I’ve had a mountain of questions and not a whole lot of answers. Kate, (my sister emerging from a coma if you haven’t read up in a while), continues to improve slowly, slowly, slowly but we claim that as a victory. We’re in the midst of some insurance battles, some placement battles, some battles over confusion and hopelessness but it really does feel like we get to that 14th minute and God pulls us out of the water. We find our hope and we get ready for the next sixty hours.

The conference I went to last week included one night that had an emphasis on healing. Pretty much nothing I had hoped would happen ended up happening. Let me be blunt, absolutely nothing happened that I begged God to let happen! I left so deflated! But since then it seems some things we’ve been praying for have broken free. My mom was with Kate late into the night past visiting hours while I was at the conference and she needed to be there at a very specific moment (health episode) to speak for Kate. That only happened because I was at a prayer conference. So if it seemed God wanted to send Dan and I 90 minutes north so somebody would be visiting Kate when she needed a visitor, we say “yes” to that provision.

It helped us see that this is not the end of this story. She’s not out of God’s care. I tell her nearly every time I see her through sobs that she is precious to God, that she is loved and not forsaken, that nobody is giving up hope of restoration and that we all keep fighting together until we win. I say it when I question if it’s true and when I’m certain that it is. I thank God out loud over her when it seems cruel that I get to leave and when it feels absolutely true that he’s been faithful. I’m convinced the longer that we walk this road, that out of me she needs someone willing to stand with her and pray, to remind her of truth. Whether through gritted teeth or sobs she needs to know I’m still standing while she lays.

I beg of you, keep praying! Keep standing with us as we make really hard decisions, as we fight like hell, and as we turn into puddles. We so value your loyalty to our family, your kind words, your thoughts and ideas. We couldn’t support Kate like we are without you!

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