Never again will I live so many milestones in a single decade. I got married, had all the kids, bought 3 houses, and got to stay home to raise my precious lumps full time.

I also met sorrow full on. For 3.5 years I’ve tried to understand what it means to trust God. I wish I had answers beyond trying to do it everyday but I don’t. What I have learned for the first time in my life was to yearn for heaven. To want to experience redemption and restoration not just for my sister and her brain injury but in life. How can I be a part of bringing wholeness and restoration to earth?

My heart has been broken for those that are not living (what I would perceive to be) a happy ending. The stories are easy to find. Parents having to bury their kids, minor sex trafficking, health issues that are totally avoidable, etc. etc. etc.. There’s a feeling of, “GOD DO SOMETHING.”

I met with someone a few months ago who had lived through his family’s own trauma. He said to me that it doesn’t matter what tough questions I have, it only matters who I’m asking. He had been practicing this himself.

It stuck with me. Am I willing to ask the awful questions every day of God? “Why didn’t you intervene?” “Have you forgotten our family?” “Are you good?” “Who else will you take from me?” “What next?” “Why only heal some people?”

So that’s where I am. Committing for 2020 and beyond that I’ll ask the questions and I’ll ask them of God. I won’t pout. I won’t withhold. I won’t be silent. I will show up and ask the questions every single day.

I hope you each had moments of wonder and beauty in your Christmas season. We found those moments in the midst of the kiddos having the flu. It forced us to slow down and that’s not a bad thing!

If you, like me, are feeling “bleh” about a new year. Worried. Afraid to be hopeful. Apprehensive in general. Reach out! Can’t hurt to go at it together!

1 thought on “2020!”

  1. How is your family doing during this weird time? I hope you are doing ok. I’ve been checking for updates.


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