If you haven’t read the blog lately, my sister is in a coma. We’re four weeks into this chaos. For any of this to make sense, you need to know that.
Ok, so I shared back in December how I felt like I was being led to focus on a bible verse for a year. I also shared how my word for 2016 was going to be relentless. I wanted to be more relentless in prayer and frankly that’s laughable at this point. Anyway, the bible verse I chose back then was Psalm 89:14 “Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; love and faithfulness go before you.”
So I think about the verse once in a while. I would not say it has been an enormous part of my every day life. I’ll get back to that later.
As you can imagine, I’ve been having lots of conversations with my people recently about faithfulness, Gods plans, God promises, provision, etc. We’re frankly walking through hell and I’m trying to decide what I can hold tight to and what is Christian jargon and crap people say that is simply not true.
The one thing that has been very clear is that this is not just about Kate. Our family is a mess of hypochondriacs, worriers, controllers, and we are not in control (I include myself at the top of this list!). We literally have no control, we are spending days and nights in an ICU staring at Kate while she’s sleeping in a bed hooked up to lots of machines. I say it again, we have zero control and I believe one hundred percent that God wants to heal some of that.
I’m watching my niece and nephew more consistently and talk about a person wanting some justice! It is a privilege to be with them and frankly I’m rageful that it’s me instead of Kate kissing booboos and tickling them.
But here we are. My family is looking at a really long road ahead. It’s become so clear in the last couple days and even weeks that either we trust God or we don’t. The rubber has met the road. Either He is trustworthy or not. Either He loves Katie and all of us or he doesn’t. Either God is faithful to us, He is Just and righteous, OR HE IS NOT.
Folks, He is. When money just shows up to pay for expenses. When He gives us glimmers of hope that Kate hears us. When people show up with food and gifts and shoulders and ears. When friends spend hours, days, parking money, at that hospital sobbing and begging in the room with my sister. He has shown up.
Let me be clear, there is no book of Katie in the bible. We do not know how this story ends. But I know this, God is righteous, just, loving, and faithful. At the same time, I (we) can do nothing except pray to hasten this recovery. Our fears have been realized, every single one. Bizarre illness, Kate’s separation from her husband and kids, the unknown, and total lack of control. A nightmare. But God is so good in the midst of it. And for the days that I forget, I have hundreds of people reminding me until I remember again.
Friends, please continue to pray! If you can donate to help with costs, please do!