September

Oh how I have been dreading September. It started with my brother-in-laws birthday, days later it will be he and Kate’s sixth wedding anniversary, their daughters birthday, both of my parents birthdays. It feels brutal. Suffocating. It’s hard to celebrate in the midst of so much sorrow. A few weeks after Kate became so ill one of our pastors spoke on celebration as a spiritual discipline and I think we took a collective sigh of relief knowing that September was on its way. We do need to celebrate, we need to remember that we have huge reasons to celebrate and that Kate would want us to celebrate! Once you start, you know it’s so right and good. These people and milestones deserve to be celebrated and who doesn’t love cake!

I’ve been reading Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts and while her writing style grates on my nerves the point of the book is not lost on me. Especially when so much feels wrong and cruel, I have to meet God with thanksgiving for everything. If I ever want to experience joy I need to celebrate and name our victories and blessings, whereever I find them. And we have so many.

Just this week my sweet nephew has been sharing memories with me when I remind him of Kate. The silly things I say, the way I tell them not to announce their gas in public, etc. I’ve been so thankful that I remind the kids of their mommy, that I’m in a position to be able to spend so much time with them, that I feel strengthened in hard moments to talk about Kate and stop what we’re doing to pray for her. I can’t wish this season away, as much as I’d like to! September is here, coma emersion is a long process and we’re in it for the long hall, little minds have questions and somehow over the last two months I haven’t totally botched any responses. We’re forced to stay present, there is no other option to do this thing well, so we might as well be thankful along the way.

And now for an update on Kate! I asked for specific prayers last week that she’d grow two points on her emersion scale, and she did! And another point this week!

She’s started pointing to a board with the words “yes” and “no” to answer questions and she’s getting all the answers right! This is so good! My mom asked her the other day about birthday gifts for Nevin. She said “no” to an H&M gift card and “yes” to JCrew. (Clearly she’s of sound mind!) But seriously, the answers she’s giving give us so much hope that although she can’t communicate with her voice she still knows who we are and the right store for her husbands birthday gift. Your prayers are so important to us, God is moving mountains! I’m serious, mountains! We have a really long road to go. We don’t know what Kate will go through and be like and be able to accomplish in the next year or two. We are so hopeful that she will be restored to us. She probably won’t be exactly the same, by Gods grace none of us will ever be the same. For now we are so thankful for small victories that show up weekly and we just keep praying for the mountains to be moved.